Celibate Clerics and Family Matters

From Archimandrite Epiphanios Theodoropoulos

Editor's Note: Many times, an opinion is proffered which states that celibate monastics cannot offer advice on marital relations. Among the saints of the Church, no one teaches this and many teach the opposite. Elder Epiphanios in Greece gives a defense in support of the wise counseling holy and celibate clerics have on family matters and his spiritual children (who authored the book about him) give an anecdote about how this usually looks.

Father Epiphanios

“Father, we tell you our sins,” a spiritual child told him, “we ask you to guide us in matters of faith, dogma, ecclesiastical life and the like. This I understand. But for us to disturb you in matters of our daily family life, this seems to me a little odd. We do it, although I don't know if this is proper.”

“My child, read the Epistles of the Apostle Paul. There you will see with what topics this great Apostle deals. He directs the believers in matters related with the Trinitarian dogma, with divine Providence, with the Sacraments of the Church, with the creation of the world, with the last days etc. He fights heresies and false teachers, he guides whole Churches. Together, however, with his ‘concern for all the Churches’ (II Cor. 11:28), does he not also deal with topics of behavior between spouses or between parents and their children? Does he not, furthermore, even regulate marital relations between them? And if he writes these things in Epistles which are addressed to whole Churches and by necessity contain the general framework of his commands, how much more detailed and individualized would he not deal with these topics, when ‘night and day’ he did not cease ‘with tears counseling each one,’ as he himself says (Acts 20:31)?”

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Once, a young person was conversing with a spiritual child of the Elder and was criticizing the celibate Clerics who intervene in the family matters of their spiritual children since “as celibates, they do not have the experience necessary.” Quite some time passed, and this youth got engaged. And although everything was going well, on the eve of the marriage, the engagement was in danger of breaking off. What had happened? The fiancée, wanting to be absolutely honorable with her future spouse, revealed to him that when she was small, she had undergone the unethical attack of a perverted character. This matter had poisoned the feelings of her fiancée, a thing which had very deeply wounded the girl.

When the youth spoke of this distress to a friend who was also a spiritual child of the Elder, he suggested that he go seek advice from Father Epiphanios. However, due to his mistaken viewpoints regarding celibate Clerics, he could not make himself seek refuge in him. Finally, “being pushed,” he went and found him.

The Elder judged that they ought to proceed to marriage and gave his counsels. However, he saw that, with such a poison in the relations of the couple, nothing good was forthcoming in their later life. So, with the greatest secrecy, he contacted the now-deceased Kalomira Karagiannopoulos, a pious, dedicated gynecologist, and explained the problem.

She asked to see the girl. She examined her and, after finding that there was no harm, she called the Elder. He in turn settled down the couple and thus the matter was put in order with the aid of the celibate Clergyman unto the wising up of the fiancée!

SOURCE

Holy Hermitage of "the Graceful Mother of God", Counsels for Life: From the Life and Teachings of Father Epiphanios, translated by Fr. Nicholas Palis, edited by Fr. Mark Andrews, (Thessalonica, Greece: Orthodox Kypseli Publications, 2005), pp. 129-130.